I feel like most Valentine’s blog posts I read talk about relationships. I wish these type of posts related to me, but at this stage of my life, they just don’t. Now I know what you may be thinking, “you’re single and bitter.” Well, you may be right to an extent LOL.
But seriously, let’s talk about what it’s like to be single in your early 20’s. For the most part, it’s fine. I have a lot of freedom at the moment. I come and go as I please. My friends are a huge part of my life, so I enjoy spending lots of time with them. Not to mention, I am able to put so much effort into blogging and what I’m passionate about.
I always tell my parents that I’m taking time to be selfish. Hear me out. Single life is quite possibly the last time you are able to focus solely on yourself. Once you’re in a relationship, you involve another person. It’s not just about you anymore. When you start a family, it becomes about your kids.
But there are times (like Valentine’s) where it does get to me. I’ll be 24 this year and I definitely pictured my life in a different place. I can probably blame a lot of that on comparison though. Seeing your old friends get married and start having kids is a weird feeling. I feel like society places a lot of pressure on women to get married and start a family. It’s almost like you’re trying to live by this imaginary timeline… graduate college by 21, get married by 25, have kids by 30. Okay, not exactly these ages, but I think you understand where I’m going, right?
Let me share a secret with you. This isn’t something I like to talk about often because it’s personally embarrassing. I’ve never had a boyfriend *gasp*. I’m not talking those boys you dated for like a week in middle school. I mean a real, serious relationship. Don’t get me wrong, the opportunity has 100% been there, but it never seemed right.
As far back as I can remember, I’ve had very high standards. I was just never interested in dating someone for the heck of it. To me, it just seemed like a waste of my time. Why invest in someone that you couldn’t picture a future with? I know not everyone will be able to relate to that. Some people date because it’s fun, and that’s fine! That’s just never been me. I was always the friend that third wheeled with my friends and their boyfriends haha (anyone with me??).
I have always made light of my dating situation. For those who know me in real life, I am a goofy person. I will do just about anything to make someone laugh. I began using my humor in a self deprecating way (like a defense mechanism). If I made fun of myself, then no one else could. It became the easiest way for me to cope. If I didn’t laugh about it, I knew I would just get upset. I remember friends asking me why I never dated anyone. I even had a guy friend ask if I was a lesbian because of it (I can’t make this up).
Not only was I already stressed about my lack of relationship, but I had other people adding to the stress. If it wasn’t friends, it was family members. “Casey, do you have a boyfriend?” “When are you going to start dating?” “Why don’t you date anyone?” “Don’t you want a boyfriend?” I couldn’t escape the constant questioning no matter what I did. I know to most people, these seem like simple questions, but when you’ve already asked yourself these questions over and over, it gets old.
Then, you start to wonder if something is wrong with you. When I dealt with my last wave of depression a couple years ago, this constantly crossed my mind.. ‘guys don’t want to date me, so clearly there is something wrong with me.’ Obviously that’s not the case, but it is a damaging thought that tries to convince you otherwise.
If you’re a fellow single lady (put your hand up lol), all I can tell you is do not settle. Don’t rush into anything just because you think you’re running behind schedule. Whether or not you can see it now, God has handpicked your other half and he’s even better than what you could dream up yourself. Maybe it sounds cheesy, but it’s true! Trust in His timing because things tend to happen when you least expect them.
As always, feel free to DM me or message me if you need to chat or vent! Love y’all!